Answers to questions young people ask

Question 1: When can I start dating?

Answer: There is really no fixed age. Whenever you know you are ready to get married, that is, you are physically, mentally and emotionally mature for marriage, then you can consider a relationship. For a guy, scripture says, start working (earning a living) before you begin a relationship - Prov.24:27.

For a lady, scripture says, you should be a wall not a door; that is, you should not allow yourself be easily deceived to give your heart to a guy when you know you are not ready for marriage. See Song of Solomon 2:7 and 8:8-9. For teenagers, you have a lot to occupy yourself with; a relationship is not for you right now.

Let God prepare you first. Your most important assignment as a single, is to please God and stay focused on Him (1Cor.7: 32-35).

Question 2: Must I have a girl friend as a teenager? If not, how do I clear my mind of the feelings I have for a girl?

Answer: You don't need a girlfriend if you are not ready to get married. What you need is a fresh commitment to God's assignment for your life. Don't let your feelings distract you.

The world has taught us to follow our hearts (feelings), but God warns us that our hearts (feelings) are deceptive and cannot be trusted (Jer.17:9). The world has also taught us that when we feel lonely then its time to get into a relationship. Loneliness is not the absence of affection, but the absence of direction.

The truth is, when you discover God's purpose (direction) for your life, your feelings for that lady will change drastically. A young lady's greatest need is someone who would point her to God so she can fulfill God's purpose for her life. The world has made ladies seem like mere sex-objects that desire nothing but intimacy and sex.

This is far from the truth. I would suggest you start seeing that girl as God's project in need of direction and not affection.

Question 3: As a lady, why do I have to keep my virginity till marriage?

Answer: It is not old fashioned to remain a virgin until marriage. For ladies, God carefully positioned a membrane of blood in their sexual opening called the hymen. The “disvirgining” of a lady is the breaking of her hymen through sex and it is not a casual act of fun.

It is a serious covenant struck and confirmed by the hymen blood shed on that day. The hymen is a gate and God's way of saying, “whoever plunges into this woman shall only do so by making a blood covenant to be joined to her for the rest of his life. This is why sexual intercourse was designed by God to take place only and only after the marriage covenant is sealed.

1Cor. 6:13 - “Now, the body is not for fornication”. Anyone who uses it for fornication must know that he/she is working directly against God's plan and there would definitely be consequences. A broken hymen opens you up to the spirit of the man that broke it.

Some have shared that hymen blood in sexual activity with demon-possessed yahoo boys (ritualists) and opened up their lives to “destiny destroying” demons. The only safe sex is sex with a man who has paid your bride price. Ladies, the hymen is your gate and it was meant to seal you up (close you up) till you mingle with a man that has married you (not boyfriend or fiancé).

That hymen is a thing of pride. Don't break that gate! If you are still a virgin, Stay chaste! Stay whole! Stay safe from demonic attacks! If peradventure, you have lost your virginity or you were raped or had an abortion; Jesus can still restore your dignity and deliver you from guilt, shame and every demonic covenant.

Don’t let the devil convince you that you are now useless. Call on Jesus now and He will save, heal and make you whole (See Rom.10:13).

Question 4: How can I keep my friendship with the opposite sex from becoming intimate? Can’t we just be friends and not get into a relationship?

Answer: Yes, you can just be friends. Here are some tips to achieving this:

1. Keep private issues about your life to yourself. Nothing sparks romance like knowing intimate secrets about the opposite sex. It creates a false sense of closeness and trust that often leads to one becoming careless and unguarded.
2. Point each other to Christ and not to yourselves. The main focus of your friendships should always be to help in becoming more intimate with Christ and not with each other
3. Don't call yourselves sensitive names like sweetheart, honey, my one and only etc. Don't play “love” for the fun of it.
4. Don’t spend “long hours” talking or chatting on WhatsApp, Instagram, etc. It is natural to get emotionally attached to a person you are always with.
5. Start taking precautions when you notice that you are constantly dreaming of being with him/her. When his/her presence becomes more desirable than God's presence then you need to adjust your friendship. God should always mean more to you than anyone else.
6. Do not foolishly receive gifts from guys or ladies without understanding the motive. A gift can make you become vulnerable (Prov.15:27, 17:8, 18:16).
7. Avoid illicit physical contact
8. Never be alone with the opposite sex in a secluded place.
9. Always be decently dressed when in the presence of the opposite sex.
10. Be accountable to your Pastor.

Question 5: I quit my relationship with my boyfriend because we cant stop having sex. I don't want to go to hell, but I daily feel like reconciling with him. How do I handle this?

Answer: I don't think reconciling with your boyfriend should be your priority now, because you seem not to understand the seriousness of the sin of fornication. Whenever fornication takes place between two people, an entrance has been given to the devil into their souls.

And a process of destruction begins immediately. So the focus should not be on reconciling with each other, but reconciling with God. You must understand that fornication separates you from God and this ought to make you very uncomfortable. Fornication also makes you very cheap before a guy and he is likely to lose respect for you. The way to regain your dignity is actually to walk away and be reconciled with God.

Sex is very addictive. It does not let go of its captives easily (Rom.6:16).When you have sex continually with a guy, you become his slave and a slave to sex. Even if both of you decide to stop, sex will still want to be your master and will demand submission. The way out is really to just walk away.

I know it is very painful for ladies to leave a relationship after they have started having sex, but the truth is, continuing in the relationship will only expose you to greater sins and deeper hurts. Right now, there is a wound in your soul that only God can heal and you really cannot afford to give God's place to anyone. What you need now is God's healing and restoration.

Practical steps to take

1. Begin by repenting. Repentance is not about feeling bad about sin. It is about turning away from sin, as well as anything or anyone that will cause you to go back to that sin. True repentance will make you feel too ashamed to even want to associate with the guy, because you now fear God – Psalm 51.
2. Concentrate on your relationship with God. Never allow guilt separate you from God. The devil is the one who condemns not God. Forgive yourself and give your heart to Jesus afresh. A guy should never become your “god”.
3. Spend quality time daily in the presence of God seeking Him in prayers and fellowshipping with His Word. This will help you:
   • close up all the access you have given the devil into your life through fornication and
   • renew your mind and set your priorities on eternal things. There is more to life than dating.
4. Surround yourself with True Believers who will give you the needed encouragement to stay on the path of righteousness.
5. Read good books that will equip you to overcome fleshly lusts. E.g. - I kissed Dating Good Bye by Joshua Harris